The Gift of Dominance
In response to the Christmas Eve Challenge given by @reflectedtruthsblog:
As an unowned submissive, this is especially hard to write about: the gift of Dominance. Dominance is a gift that I crave; it is a gift that I hope I am honored with someday. As such, I have had quite some time to think about this, so this will be a long post, but please bear with me.
For me, Dominance is a gift in the form of leadership and guidance. The man I submit to would be there to guide me and wouldn’t be afraid to lead me He would be there to help me when I’m being indecisive. He would be there to step up and help me make the tough decisions in life. He would be there to guide me through our relationship and through every unknown territory I’d find myself in. He would be there to guide me when I’m feeling lost and depressed because I feel that I’m not good enough. He would be there to guide me through my hangups and fears I have about the sexual aspect of D/s, because he’d know that while I come across this aspect of D/s regularly on my blog and share pictures and stories of this nature, real life is different. It’s when he’d train me to actually enjoy giving a blowjob instead of thinking back to my past of continuous 3 years of child abuse and several rapes; because he knows that it’s something I don’t want to fear and want to be able to do without my past getting in the way.
For me, Dominance is a gift in the form of reassurance. My Dominant would be there to calm me and reassure me when I’m obsessing over small things. He’d help calm me when I’m feeling anxious or when I’m having another panic attack. He’d remind me that I don’t have to constantly work at trying to make others happy. He’d tell me that it’s okay for me to not put on a happy face for the world 24/7. He’d reassure me that I’m not being selfish if I’m taking care of myself and putting myself first. He’d tell me that it’s okay that I’m scared of having sex because I’m nearly 23 years old and I have never had consensual sex in my entire life. He’d also reassure me that I’m not crazy for wanting to have sex and not be afraid of it regardless of my past trauma.
For me, Dominance is a gift in the form of control. My Dominant would have complete control of our relationship, so much so that he constantly keeps track of his own actions as well as mine. He would make sure that the steps we take in our relationship first fulfill my needs, and then his own. He would also remind me that the only person I have to worry about pleasing is him. He would not only make rules in our relationship, he would enforce them. He wouldn’t let me off the hook or let things slide. He would put rules in place that are solely for my benefit and help me not just in our relationship but outside of our relationship, whether I like said rules or not. For example, he would make it a rule that I have to wake up every morning, look in the mirror and tell myself that I’m beautiful because he wants me realize how true that is and wants to build my self-confidence. Or, he would make me show him every single word that I write and would insist on talking about those words because he wants me to stop doubting myself, my thoughts, and my feelings. He would insist on being aware of my life outside our relationship because he’d realize that those aspects of my life would affect me, and thereby affect our relationship, whether that be in the smallest, nearly unnoticeable ways, or in bigger and obvious ways.
For me, Dominance is a gift in the form of the Dominant’s caring nature. He would be gentle with me when trying new things. He would insist on taking care of me even when I try to tell him that I’m fine, and then he would insist on talking about what’s bothering me. He would make rules that result in me being physically healthy. For example, setting goals for me at the gym, or texting me daily reminding me it’s time for me to eat because he knows I forget to do so because I work in the ER and sometimes all I have time for is a quick snack but I don’t step up away for even a minute because I don’t consider eating to be a priority. Or, he would remind me to take my daily medications which I often forget due to the nature of my job. Or, he’d put my therapist appointments in his calendar and clear his schedule for a certain period of time after said appointments so he can be there for me, even if it’s just 10 minutes during which he calls me to ensure that I’m safe, mentally and physically.
Reading back to all of this, I can’t help but give voice to my negative thoughts. Asking all this of someone is unrealistic. This is probably why I don’t have a Dominant. Who would want to take on so much responsibility? That annoying voice in my head never fails to say “no one” when I ask this question. But then I also think, if a man actually does take on all that responsibility, how can it not be considered a gift? In return for the gift of my complete submission, he would choose to give me the gift of his Dominance, in all the ways I have mentioned above and those I haven’t. Just as I would choose to be his submissive, he would choose to be my dominant; it’s not D/s if it’s not based on consent after all. We don’t talk about this enough because these are things that are expected of a Dominant towards his submissive However, first and foremost he has to choose to be said submissive’s Dominant. He chooses to honor me with the gift of his Dominance just as I choose to honor him with the gift of my submission.
This is written to specifically reflect my views and opinions, the point of view of a female submissive about a male Dominant; as such, it does not necessarily apply to anyone else who identifies differently and whose relationship falls somewhere else along the D/s spectrum.
